"But all the other girls are smaller and skinnier", I would tell her. My Mom would always listen and assure me that size did not matter to her and that I was loved above all else. Though her words helped my heart, the fact remained that I was never at the top the pyramids at sleepovers or I was always the "pusher" on the swings never the one who was pushed. That my arms were bigger than all my friends. I was not fat, just not "normal" like the other girls. I was bigger, thicker, stronger. Ewwww, who wants that when you are a little girl.
I never played sports. Dreaded gym time. Hated the annual pull-up, sit-up, mile run testing that the schools did. Along with it came the weight and BMI testing. I was "overweight". Ugh. Those words are ones that any human never WANTS to hear. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't lazy. I rode my bike with my friends. I danced from ages 7-16. I was out AND about!! But I always secretly wanted someone else's body. Someone else's weight.
Moving on. Enter adult life. I never recall ever weighing 135 lbs., which is apparently the average weight for someone my height of 5' 6". It's like I skipped that number entirely. I feel like for all the years I can recall I always wanted to be 10lbs. lighter, like somehow that was the magic key to my happiness. That if only I had "her arms" or "her stomach" or "her legs" that life would be alright. I would always see my PCP and he would say that I was just outside of the "normal" weight range. So I am "overweight" at 155 lbs.? Yep, pretty much. I mean if you aren't in the normal weight range than yes you would be OVER-weight. Shoot me.
So in my 20's I began to weight train. Funny thing happened. I didn't lose weight but the clothes got looser. The inches came off. I could wear things that once before I thought looked unflattering. Now I wanted to see my arms that I worked so hard for. At 22, I was at my leanest and I was 142lbs. and people told me I looked "sick" - face looked gaunt. What? Sick? I am now normal. Well, in 7 more pounds. I gotta hit 135 lbs!
Well guess what I did to finally get there? Get ready! It was so easy - just simply stop lifting, stop running, stop training and eat below my daily required calories. Sounds like a plan. Right? (eye roll) Wrong?! It all came back once I resumed a regular diet, but now I had no muscle, my metabolism was slow, and believe it or not I was way higher in body fat than before. How can that be?
Enter motherhood, three pregnancies and limited time to work out. How am I ever gonna get back to my regular weight and lose this extra body fat. So I ran. And I ran. And I ran. It was my salvation. In May 2010, a knee and hip injury temporarily shut down my running escape. That is when I discovered lifting again. It was my "me" time that I needed desperately. The running had increased my endurance so I was primed and once I added the weights - BOOM! It was magic!! I felt great. I never weighed myself. I didn't care. I felt good. Isn't that what happiness encompasses? Just being content in one's own skin.
In 2012, WLG was born in a small field at Batts Neck and a Barn in Gibson's Grant. Slowly and steadily business grew. I met a man. A man who loves me at any number. I have three kids that are all over the place with sleepovers and science fair projects. I have 2 crazy male dogs that are spoiled rotten and we know it. We have 3 ducks that must be let out and put back in their pen every day - just envision the fun. 2 successful businesses. Loads of laundry. Floors to be mopped. And in January 2015, a new found desire to invest in myself despite the chaos of the day to day.
So here I am, ALL 156 POUNDS OF ME (13% body fat at that!) So Efffff Yewwww 135 lbs.!!! I will not and CAN NOT weigh some prescribed number on a chart without sacrificing what I know to be the right way to get there, so I just won't do it. I will write my own number. Better yet I will let my body figured that one out - I will just do my best. Every day. Over and over again. It took my entire youth, but as adult, I don't mind being different. I am not overweight. Never was. Now my girls walk up to me and say "Mom, look at my arms! I got muscles!" or "Mom, look at my legs - they are getting stronger!". Girls need strong role models!
The days of wanting to be pushed on the swing are gone. Now, I want to be the PUSHER! Now, I don't want to be lifted up on that sleepover pyramid - I would rather Clean and Press a bar. Never give up. Keep moving. Keep sweating. Keep repeating. You never know who you going to inspire! Until we sweat again. Love your faces.